Write & Correct
English

A women should focus on her career.

According to BBC News, 30% of women have left their family life to be dedicated to their careers. Historically, women have been trying to achieve their spaces on job markets since the XX century. Nowadays, it is very common to see women trying to reconcile their careers, household chores, and family but there are still some women who enjoy staying at home caring for their children but others prefer to grow professionally. However, I agree that a woman who focuses on her career to feel more productive and valued in a new social circle without them feeling stressed and depressed at home besides being financially and emotionally independent.
In accordance with the researches, the number of women who are looking for their independence has increased very much, the women are trying to achieve their goals in their professional careers, and also dedicated their time with their families. However, there are women who like to stay at home caring for their children and making household chores because they feel more comfortable with it. On the other hand, there are also women feeling depressed and getting stressed stay just at home. Moreover, professional career has contributed financially and emotionally independent because they do not need to be dependent on their husbands and still help at home besides enabling social relationships with different people. In addition, work outside the home makes them feel capable to do everything their want to, and they feel productive and more valued.
To sum up, exist different women around the world and most women want to be independent in their lives without depending on their husbands or staying stressed at home, for this reason, they are trying to reconcile their jobs and families. Although there are women who prefer caring for their children and home still exist, women, that would like to be valued working outside at home and meeting different kinds of people.

Posted

Corrections

ktg57
A women should focus on her career.
According to BBC News, 30% of women have left their family life stopped being homemakers to be dedicated dedicate their lives to their careers. Historically, women have been trying to achieve their spaces space on job markets market since the XX 20th century. Nowadays, it is very common to see women trying to reconcile their careers, household chores, and family , but there are still some women who enjoy staying at home caring for their children but others . Others prefer to grow professionally. However, I agree that a woman who focuses on her career to may feel more productive and valued in a new social circle without them feeling stressed the stresses and depressed depression at home besides being financially . A career may also bring financial and emotionally independent emotional independence .
In accordance with the
researches research , the number of women who are looking for their independence has increased very much, the women a great deal [or a lot]. There are trying women who try to achieve their goals in their professional careers, and also dedicated their dedicate time with to their families. However, there are other women who like to stay at home caring for their children and making taking care of the household chores because they feel more comfortable with it. On the other hand, there are also women feeling depressed For some women staying at home brings on feelings of depression and getting stressed stay just at home stress . Moreover, a professional career has contributed financially can contribute to financial and emotionally independent emotional independence because they do not need to be dependent rely on their husbands and . They can still help at home besides enabling . A career also enables social relationships with different people. In addition, work outside the home makes them feel capable to do everything their they want to, and they feel productive and more valued.
To sum up,
exist different women exist around the world , and most women want to be independent in their lives without depending relying on their husbands or staying stressed at home, for For this reason, they are trying to reconcile their jobs and families. Although there are women who prefer caring for their children and home still exist, there are other women , that who would like to be valued by working outside at home and meeting different kinds of people.
[Your essay doesn't have a great flow - it bounces around a lot while repeating much of the same information. I hope I didn't change the meaning of what you tried to get across.]
Posted
Feedback