Write & CorrectEnglish
Writing practice
Art classes bring a number of benefits to children. First, art classes enhance children's motor skills. This is because art classes demand that children control their own physical movements to perform artistic tasks, such as painting and sculpting, which develops their hand-eye coordination. Second, art classes cultivate children's imagination because they allow children to make art based on their creativity, such as drawing an original painting or composing their own dance moves. By contrast, academic classes tend to impose more limitations in the way students think.
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Comment(s)
I don’t see any obvious flaws but perhaps a more natural way to write the first sentence would be “Art classes benefit children in a number of ways”.
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Because the tone of the text is relatively formal (or at least not particularly informal) I would swap First/Second for Firstly/Secondly, even though First/Second is grammatically correct I think, or at least widely accepted in spoken language.
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Corrections
Writing practice
Art classes bring a number of benefits to children. First, art classes enhance children's motor skills. This is because
art
classes
they
demand that children control their own physical movements to perform artistic tasks, such as painting and sculpting, which develops their hand-eye coordination. Second, art classes cultivate children's imagination because they allow children to make art based on their creativity, such as drawing an original painting or composing their own dance moves. By contrast, academic classes tend to impose more limitations in the way students think.
Your writing seems perfectly fine to me as is. This is just a style suggestion to reduce repetition.
Your writing seems perfectly fine to me as is. This is just a style suggestion to reduce repetition.
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