Write & CorrectEnglish
Coda part 2
Aside from emotional and technical matters, it is essential to highlight how "CODA" raises awareness to the deaf community, showcasing day-to-day life conflicts and depicturing predicaments they face whether they are just doing their job or going to the doctor. At work, people commonly want to rip them off, buying their fish for a lower price. At the doctor, they have to take their daughter to interpret their diseases because our medical education is made solely for hearing people. Particularly, this doctor scene struck me, once I am a medical student, and since I started college I have not seen any attention to the deaf community or other disabled people. There is something incredibly wrong with our education and it's high time to figure this out and change our educational system.
In addition to it, the film shows the importance of having deaf actors and deaf artists on the media, as they got valuable lessons to teach us and they are artists like any other artist and deserve to be recognized and valued.
Therefore, "Coda" is authentic and inspirational, simple, and a powerhouse of a movie.
Corrections
Coda part 2
In addition to
Therefore, "Coda" is authentic and inspirational, simple, and a powerhouse of a movie.
Tips: Avoid using personal pronouns in your essay like, I, me , our and we as they infringe on your credibility as a writing. When writing instead use quotes and examples to support your point instead of personal anecdotes. While they might help with the concreteness of your writing it must be carefully done to ensure that your point is not weakened. Also, in addition to this make sure to not use contractions of words like isn't or haven't since this makes your writing sound informal. Use synonym everywhere in essay writing always look for stronger words, don't be afraid to shorten sentences because this might make your tone sound more assertive and conclusive. A perfect example of where i did this to your writing is when I altered your previous sentence to this, "Therefore, this lack of interest in catering towards the small community of hearing impaired people prove that there is something intrinsically wrong with our education system and it's high time to figure this out ."
All in all I quite enjoyed your short extract and thought it was sufficient, I hope you do continue on your language learning journey and continue improving in the future. :)